Hey guys, I am straying from my usual content to talk about Eating Disorder Awareness Week (2/26 – 3/4) this week. Just a disclaimer this will be a serious and possibly disturbing post, so if you are sensitive to vomit please be aware.
Ever since I was around 15, I have suffered from bulimia, but just recently found out I also suffer from body dysmorphia.
A little history about my body. I have always struggled with my weight, due to genes and general laziness. My weight does vary, but this is not a story of me getting so thin that I became ill, because I have remained overweight throughout most of my life.
As I said earlier, I really began developing bulimia, but it really got worse last spring, when I was going through a hard time in my life. My bulimia is not always present, but really flares up when I’m feeling out of control in my life.
Here are some symptoms of bulimia that I suffer from:
- Obsession with body image, weight, and/or dieting
- Repeated binge eating episodes over a specified period of time
- Loss of control during episodes of bingeing
- Purging behaviors follow a binge to attempt to compensate for extra calories consumed
Some other symptoms I have, at my worst, is excessive exercise, and pushing myself during workouts to the point of vomiting.
I always thought those with body dysmorphia had a skewed view of themselves when looking in the mirror and I always thought it couldn’t be me since I knew my weight, so I had concrete facts telling me I was overweight.
It wasn’t until I compared my body to a character on T.V., that my boyfriend got seriously worried that I had the wrong idea of how I looked.
This made me look up the symptoms and found this :
- Being extremely preoccupied with a perceived flaw in appearance that to others can’t be seen or appears minor
- Strong belief that you have a defect in your appearance that makes you ugly or deformed
- Belief that others take special notice of your appearance in a negative way or mock you
- Engaging in behaviors aimed at fixing or hiding the perceived flaw that are difficult to resist or control, such as frequently checking the mirror, grooming or skin picking
- Attempting to hide perceived flaws with styling, makeup or clothes
- Constantly comparing your appearance with others
- Always seeking reassurance about your appearance from others
- Having perfectionist tendencies
- Seeking frequent cosmetic procedures with little satisfaction
- Avoiding social situations
- Being so preoccupied with appearance that it causes major distress or problems in your social life, work, school or other areas of functioning
I was actually brought to tears, when reading this list, because all of these things I read, I had just attributed to who I was as a person.
I can’t explain to someone what it feels like to learn that what you have always thought was your personality, is actually a sickness.
This post, was partly for myself and partly to bring awareness to everyone else. Not only did I want to bring awareness to the symptoms of these disorders, but also to show that not all people with eating disorders are thin.
I used to actually think that I did eating disorders wrong, because I never lost the weight that everyone else said they did.
So I want to tell everyone who has these symptoms, of all shapes and sizes, please find someone to help you, because it could get out of control faster than you may think.
To those who do not suffer from eating disorders, please be cautious of how you talk because you never know what others are going through.
Thanks for reading! I’m sorry if this was too graphic or sad for you, but if this could help one person, it was worth it.
SOCIAL MEDIA —
Check out my last post on my book review of Savages – Greg F. Gifune HERE!